Saturday, April 30, 2011

Some Things Really ARE Free!

Most people, when shopping, strive for a deal.  It has been my experience, if they can wrap their sweaty little hands around a sale or a discount, they consider themselves to have had a successful outing.  However, any sales person worth their salt will exploit this urge for free or discounted merchandise and get the customer to spend money to save money.  We get you to buy one or more additional items (items you weren’t planning on getting and probably don’t even need) in order to receive a free item or some sort of promotional discount.  We call this, “The Add-On”.

A quick example:  You are buying a pair of panties and a matching bra.  I tell you that if you buy one more panty, you’ll get an additional two for free.  You can’t pass on that deal, and grab three more panties (one you pay for and two that are free).   But I don’t stop there.  I then suggest that you might want to buy another bra (to match the FREE panties you just picked out).  You see the logic in that, and feeling good about getting $28 worth of panties for free already, you figure you can afford another $40 bra, thus bringing your sale up from $54 to $108 – double what you planned on spending.

Feeling duped?

Back to the story.  It was December, the craziest time in a lingerie store next to Valentine’s Day, and I was running the cash register and doing my girl scout best to add-on to every sale I rang up.  “Next in line, please” I politely called, and up came the psycho "nothing’s free lady", or, “Crazy Carol” as I came to call her.  Crazy Carol had her kid in tow, and initially seemed normal – a little harried maybe, but not insane.  She was buying two pair of satin panties.  As I have already mentioned, the satin panties were on a promotion – Buy 2, get 2 Free. Ok, so, this wouldn’t really be an add-on, but at least it could be an opportunity for me to spread some Christmas cheer and make a client happy with a nice surprise bonus of a couple free panties.  “Oh you need to go pick out two more pair of panties because they’re buy two get two for free” I explained.  She responded, “Yes, I just want two.”  Clearly she wasn’t even listening, so I laugh good-heartedly (I had already discovered the immense stupidity of most people during my short time at TE) and reiterate, “Yes, but since you are ALREADY buying two, you automatically GET TWO MORE FOR FREE.”  I tried to enunciate the free part so she would get it through her head.  Her response, “Yes, well, I don’t want them.”  What the hell is wrong with this lady?  I say, “Yes, but they’re FREE … it would be CRAZY not to take them!”  Her eyes probe into mine for a moment and them she screams, “I get it! I JUST DON’T WANT THEM!”  The woman behind her decides this is the perfect time to pipe up and offer to take Crazy Carol’s two free panties.  You’re really not helping, ma’am.  I decide to give up explaining the complete insanity of not taking the free panties since I realize I am dealing with a psychopath and just ring Crazy Carol up for her two full priced panties.  $28 for TWO pair of panties, its INSANE, right? I think, “Merry fucking Christmas, bitch, don’t come back.”

She pays, she leaves.
But then she stops at the door, turns around, marches back to my counter and jabs her finger in my face while shouting, “AND I DON’T APPRECIATE BEING CALLED "CRAZY" IN FRONT OF MY KID!!!!”

Um, but you ARE crazy… That poor kid. 

The best part, and I swear to God this is true, Crazy Carol was shopping in the store about six months later and was purchasing some pantyhose.  The pantyhose were on sale:  Buy 3 Get 1 Free.  Guess how many Crazy Carol was buying? Yeah, 3.  Guess who was the cashier that day, and who did not recognize/remember Crazy Carol for the psychopath that she was?  Yeah, me.  And guess who then tried to give Crazy Carol the free pair of pantyhose that she had already earned by buying three pair?  Commence confusing conversation, and just as the déjà vu starts worming its way through my mind, she flips out, AGAIN.

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